Last night before heading to sleep I read The Backlot’s recap of episode 3 of Looking. I was, shall we say, unhappy with the way that it used the phrase “on the spectrum” as a joke against the character of Patrick. I was also pretty pissed off at the way that the recap refers to Patrick as a “drunk slut.” I wrote a comment passionately explaining these two things and received the following reply:
Heather, you’re asking why a group you don’t belong to uses a term to describe themselves? Frankly, that was more offensive to me than Brian’s “On the spectrum” joke, and I say that as someone who’s “on the spectrum.”
Apparently demanding that gay and bi men don’t use the term “slut” to describe themselves is offensive to gay and bi men. I can’t, even.
Anyway, I then hopped onto Twitter only to find Wildstar Nation (a podcast about an upcoming MMO, called Wildstar) use the phrase “Reddit Whore.” Never one to let things go, I sent them an exasperated tweet. What ensued was yet another frustrating conversation ending in the Wildstar Nation folks basically telling me “If you don’t like it, don’t listen to it.”
Apparently some folks are just unable to understand that words have cultural baggage. The Wildstar Nation’s use of “whore” is a great example of this. Wildstar Nation used the word to refer to the fact that someone uses Reddit a lot, to the point where it’s kind of light-heartedly embarrassing. I’ve heard it used to describe people who have ‘too many’ clothes: “I’m such a clothes whore.” I’ve heard it used to describe people who use Twitter more than is conventionally acceptable: “He’s such a Twitter whore.” So on and so forth.
Regardless of the specific context the use, the word “whore” always indicates someone who is participating in activity too much (i.e. more than in widely considered acceptable). And this meaning comes directly from the insulting and offensive use of the term as a woman who participates in sex too much and for money. So even if you’re using it to refer to someone who uses Reddit or Twitter or whatever, it is impossible to fully divorce the word as it’s meaning as an insult to women and sex workers.
Also, the fact that the word offends me isn’t even the biggest problem. I mean, I think we should all avoid using words which offend others, but that’s just me. No, the real problem is that by continuing to use the word “whore” (even in the context Wildstar Nation did) it perpetuates a culture which looks down on women who have sex, particularly women who are sex workers.
Words Have Meaning.
Below are my list of words that folks should just avoid (unless we’re talking about reclaiming them, which is a different issue altogether). They’ve got cultural baggage you can’t just wish away, especially if you’re not part of the group these words were meant to marginalise. (They are listed in no particular order):
Nigga
Whore
Slut
Bitch
Gay
Fag
Dyke
Queer
Tranny
Redskin
Crazy
There are, of course, a hell of a lot more insulting words that are based on oppression and discrimination that we should avoid. But the above are different in that they are often used by people who think that if they don’t mean it as an insult, that makes them okay. Intent is not magic, folks, especially when we’re talking about implicit meaning in words.
So there you go. If you have a word that you think I should include, please mention it in the comments.
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ETA: Something I didn’t talk about, but just thought. The fact that a response that amounts to “if you don’t want me to use this word, don’t listen/watch/read what I’m saying,” basically implies that they don’t care whether they alienate a whole section of their potential audience. It tells you just how much worth they place on any audience member that isn’t a cis, hetero, white, able-bodied, man.
Filed under: Gender, Sexuality Tagged: Ableism, Anti-Sex Work, Cissexism, Clothes Whore, Cultural Norms, Flip Table, Head-desk, Homophobia, Insulting Language, Insults, Language, Looking, Misogyny, Offensive Words, Racism, Reddit, Reddit Whore Gaffney, Sex Workers, Sexism, Slut, slut-shaming, Table Flipping, The Backlot, Transphobia, Twitter, Whore, Wildstar Nation, Words Have Meaning, Words To Avoid
